Christmas on the Rise

So, I seem to find myself very busy with this upcoming holiday season. There is the decorating, buying, wrapping, shopping, cleaning, cooking. All this work is done waiting for X-mas eve when our efforts will finally coalesce into jubilation. But, the weeks before the holiday, our house is a disheveled heap of ornaments and nutcrackers thrown about. The hierarchy of our household places my mom firmly at the top, holding the position as director of job assignments. Then comes the dog, for whom my mother's love is implacable. Following Tipper is my father, leaving me at the bottom to take care of all the odd 'n ends. For some reason though, I don't mind being beguiled into doing these chores. I always succumb to the holiday spirit and end up spending hours upon hours baking cookies and frosting gingerbread houses. My listless ennui fades away and I'm overcome with a feeling of helpfulness that seems to burgeon this time of year. This holiday season is all about 'helping they neighbor' and 'giving more than you get' so I suppose my actions make sense. Either way, I'll continue to prosecute this preparation until Christmas day was passed!

Dear Bari

Oh Bari,

Reading Gruff's letter rekindled a spark in me I had thought was lost forever. Our wonderful memories keep following me wherever I go; our halcyon past will haunt me until the day I die. I must restrain myself and put a leash on these emotions. I try to exert proper brio and enthusiasm in everything I do, but I get so distracted whenever your lovely face pops into my head. I feel desultory, scrambling around aimlessly while I try to plan for college, knowing full well that you will not be attending the same university.

Before I met you, dates accused me of being a chauvinist. However, I found that my facade quickly became unnecessary as you broke down all of my barriers and allowed me to be who I truly am. My other girlfriends were simple ingenues compared to you. I so want us to reunite, but I know we cannot. The mere adjoining of my hand and yours would be too much for poor Gruff to bear. So it is with a heavy heart and much regret that I attempt free you from my soul.

Goodbye Bari, goodbye...

Speaking of Love

A friend of mine requested that he be given the opportunity to contact someone via my blog so I figured I'd grant him this chance to reconcile with his true love.

Dearest Bari,

The evolution of our love might have seemed slow to you, but it was a crescendo of desire for me. I realize that this communication might be viewed as a flagrant breach of our separation, but seeing as how our love was a labyrinth, I see it only fit that our demise be just as complicated.

As I'm sure you already know, our split hit me with a paroxysm of sorrow. I know you viewed my tears as an aberration of masculinity, but you are culpable for their onset. Your demeanor of nonchalance and disinterest even in the emotions you imbued in me stabbed at my heart like an ice-pick shattering the only part of me capable of love.

As implicit as my yearning for you may be, I wouldn't importune you with further requests of reuniting when I already know you are the very antipode of second chances.

Sincerely yours,

Gruff

(btw 'les chicas' enjoy this, you know who you are!)

Halloween Child

First off, I'd like to apologize to the parents of this baby for commandeering his photo. Hopefully they have no qualms about it: but really, if they didn't want strangers looking at their babe then they shouldn't have posted his picture all over google.

On a totally unrelated note- my birthday is on mischief night. Now that I am older this is no longer a problem, however back in the days of going out and toilet-papering, this celebration usually impeded my fun. While all of my buds were out and about enjoying the omnipotent abilities that come from wielding a shaving cream can, I was stuck in a maudlin stupor. Naturally a gregarious and fun-loving individual, I was forced into being the pariah of the night-life festivity partakers. My friends used to stop by and 'decorate' my house every year, but this merely exacerbated the problem. Their toilet-paper canopies simply reminded me of the fun I wasn't having. I was in a state of abeyance - I couldn't complain about my friends coming, but I couldn't emulate happiness for them either. When they'd show up at my house I'd try to assimilate myself in with them, but they always had stories I couldn't relate to.

Now that I'm older I love throwing eccentric birthday bashes: apple picking, corn mazes, scary movies, pumpkin carving, haunted houses, costume parties, hunting for the Jersey Devil. All of these parties wouldn't have been possible if I had been born in the summer or the winter. I can't think of a better day for a birthday! I'm a fall baby by nature and a Halloween child by choice.

Balderdash

Balderdash, defined as senseless talk or writing; nonsense, is also possibly the greatest board game ever created. Never before has a family fun night lead to such an inordinate amount of hilarity.

I can still remember the first time I played. Oh, what a wild bacchanal that was! (I know you are already starting to appreciate how smoothly I throw in this fancy, new lingo.) As I unwrapped the box I was chary about what to expect. This could be one of those complicated games with the ten page long, enigmatic instructions that ultimately leave the players wondering why they got the game in the first place. It could be boring; an utter waste of time. It could have been childish and insulted not only my intelligence as a player, but my intelligence as a consumer. It could have been any one of these things. It could have been, but it was not. Instead, it was the best game I've ever played.

Balderdash didn't come to be a legendary family favorite without good reason. This game demands its players to think outside the box. The objective is to reach the end of the board first and claim your title as the olympian of B.S. To do this, a player begins the game by rolling a die. The number on the die correlates to a number on the playing cards: 1- words, 2- people, 3-movie, 4- acronyms, 5- laws, 6- choose your favorite. Words: a funky, seemingly fake word is said aloud and everyone must write down a made-up definition. People: the name of some notorious person is given and everyone must write down what they did. Movie: the title of a movie is given and everyone must write down a short description of the film. Acronyms: an acronym is given and everyone must write down what it stands for. Laws: the beginning of some ridiculous law is given and its everyones job to finish it. If you roll lucky number six you get to choose which ever topic you like best. Once everyone has written down their answer, the person who rolled the die collects everyone's responses. These are read aloud along with the real, correct answer. It's then everyone else's job to vote for which one they believe is right.

To someone who is unfamiliar with Balderdash this may sound dull or uneventful, but allow me to dazzle you with a real-game example. "In Idaho, it is against the law to go trout fishing if you are... riding a giraffe." I kid you not my friends, that is the real answer. Is this game magnificent or what?!

If my cameo has still not convinced you of Balderdash's eminence, then I exhort you to go out and play it for yourself. Only then will you truly understand the undeniable greatness of this game.